how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
