honey bunches of taint.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
