my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
