so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
