The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Randomize
