What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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