I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
