Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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