I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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