we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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