if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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