can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
