There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I met the friendliest cop last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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