Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
