M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
