I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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