I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
