I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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