I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
