I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And then he peed in my hair
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