The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
