I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
