I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
