Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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