so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
