i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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