I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
