she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
