When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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