i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
