his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Actions speak louder than pants.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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