I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
