You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
