i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
