Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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