Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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