Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
