Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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