I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
