apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
