You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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