um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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