I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
