Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
