the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
