omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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