I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
