Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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