When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
