fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
