covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
