this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
